She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
