I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
