weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
