awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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