so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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