We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
