He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
