You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
