Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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