i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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