It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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