im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
