even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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