My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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