First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
