Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
