Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I need a burrito and a hug.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
