did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
