I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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