I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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