So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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