Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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