Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
