apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
