bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
