My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
