You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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