the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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