K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
