that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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