The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
