Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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