I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
how drunk are you?
Several
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
