Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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