hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
