you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
