You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
