Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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