they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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