You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
