do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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