So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
