just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
tell me about the eggs
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