Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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