I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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