So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you had me at cake vodka
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
