Buhtt sex?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
