I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My cat gives me a boner
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
