It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
