You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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