I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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