dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize