He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
