I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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