I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
