No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize