You're a womanizer and a bitch.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
