Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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