Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
