why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
