dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Someone shit on the floor
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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