Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
