We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
