i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
